My dog is almost two years old. She is house-broken and sort of knows basic commands. When I say that she "sort of knows basic commands," I mean that she has learned how to sit, heel, stay, get down, and how to come when I call her. The last one isn't that difficult because she refuses to be separated from me for any reason whenever I am home. She follows me around like a baby duckling even if I just get up to go to the bathroom. So when I say, "Juno! Juno!" she comes running in like two seconds. It's actually pretty adorable.
What is not adorable, however, is coming home from work only to discover a nice little turd lying on the carpet. It's not just lying there, it's lying there all brazenly and boldly, like, "LOOK AT ME I CAME OUT OF JUNO'S BUTT" and Juno runs around acting all sheepishly proud of her mound of crap.
I've had Juno for almost a year, and she came into my life as a house-trained young puppy. She didn't even poop or pee in the house like this when I first got her and she was scared out of her mind and didn't know what was going on. She STILL managed to go outside and go to the bathroom. I did notice, however, during the first rain that she endured, that she simply did NOT enjoy the rain and did not enjoy being wet. She always put up a mild, defeated struggle when forced to take a bath but eventually submitted unwillingly to being scrubbed with shampoo and doused with warm water in the tub. If she hated even THAT, why couldn't I have guessed that she would have hated being forced to get her ass wet on the cold, rain-soaked grass while rain poured down all around her? Even I think that is the most miserable, degrading experience. I hate rain more than anything. I hate it more than snow. At least snow is fun for a while. Rain is just dumb and it sucks. Also, it's dirty. You can't play in the rain unless you want your skin to burn off or you want to contract ebola or something. When I was a freshman in college, I went to school in this REALLY crappy little town in Indiana. It was so flat there that any time it rained, there was a mild flood. This one day, it rained really, really, REALLY hard (luckily, I was already inside my room by that point, huddled in front of my Internet and not fraternizing with my fellow college students, as usual). Anyway, it rained so hard that it flooded REALLY bad. Like, lake water bad. The water would have been up to my boobs if I went out in it. Which I didn't, but some idiots did. Actually, more than half of the school decided that it would be a good idea to go for a swim in the quad. And more than half of THOSE kids ended up with like, dysentery and gangrene and stuff. My old roommate had gone swimming in the cesspool and ended up with an infected foot. It was horrible and disgusting.
And that's why I shudder whenever I think of rain puddles and kids hopping gaily in them. Don't they know the horror of what's about to invade their little bodies? Don't their mothers know or care?
So I can fully understand why my dog wouldn't want her butthole touching the wet ground while trying to take a pee or a poop.
At any rate, since we've had all of this rain lately, Juno has been refusing to go outside and go to the bathroom. I take her out multiple times a day before I have to go to work, hoping that she'll squirt out a little fudge monkey or something before I have to put her back inside. It's getting to the point now where I dread coming home from work to find poop on the carpet again and my dog joyfully running around the house because her bowels are empty and now she can cram even more kibble down her gullet. I can't be home all day to babysit her, and my mom stops by every day that I'm at work to walk and feed her, but short of forcing her to poop, there's nothing that I can do. She just won't poop on the wet grass. It's either that, or she's fucking with me because she thinks that now she's allowed to crap on the carpet. I scold her, I yell at her, I stick her nose near it and tell her no poop in the house and that she's not a baby anymore, but it's as if she LIVES to time it so that five minutes after I leave the house, she craps on the carpet and then runs around the house fancy free until I get home, no matter where I've gone or how long I'll be gone. She knows.
So anyway, this rain needs to cut it out soon because if it doesn't, I am going to have to replace my carpet and that is going to really piss me off and cost me a lot of money. Sometimes I wonder if my dog is in cahoots with the government and Mother Nature to get me to spend more money. Gas prices are already way too high. I don't want to have to replace a shit-stained carpet because my dog is too dainty to go outside when it's raining.
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