This is how I feel about life today.

I don't like school.

Let me say this: I HATE SCHOOL. I hate it. Hate, hate, hate, HATE IT, with the passion of nine fires. I hate institutional education. I especially hate state school. I've been to both private and public school. I hate them both. Now, do not get me wrong. I don't hate being educated and I don't hate learning. In fact, I love to learn. I thrive off of it. If I could roll around in a big old pile of education and learning, I would drop down and bury my face in that shit. But I just hate school.

I hate crowded class rooms, crowded hallways, people breathing in small spaces, and people touching me on accident or on purpose. I just hate people too. They give me anxiety.

So, I decided to only go back part-time. This way, I won't lose TOO many hours at work and I can still avoid paying on my student loans for the time being. And, I'll be two classes closer to actually finishing my ever-elusive degree.

When all is said and done, I will have been a professional college student for like six years, with a degree in public relations to show for it.

Awesome.

This is what I get to come home to every single day. :)

Things I Need: It's Always Sunny in Dayton Edition.

It's that time again!

Chronic pain is no joke, ferrealz.

For the last five years of my life, I've had to live with this shit.

Medications, doctors, more medications, more doctors, more tests.

There is hardly any cartilage left in my left knee. I'm falling apart, and I'm only 22. I don't want to be like this in twenty years, or worse.

Now that it's spring and the weather is getting warmer, I'm feeling less and less depressed, but I still feel like I'm holding out for something. I don't know what. I work full-time and then some and I'm going back to school next week. My life is about to become even more stressful and crazy, and I get flare-ups more often when I'm stressed.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to start eating better (although I don't eat TERRIBLY), and to get my place feeling like a home, and to spend more time with my dog, and all of my favorite people in the world.

It sounds really dumb & cheesy, but spring always feels more like a new beginning to me than the New Year does. Maybe it's because now I can open all of my windows, blast Radiohead's Kid A album, and get  to workin'.

Whatever it is, it's here, and I'm definitely feeling it. Things are changing for me in a good way, and I like it.

I just don't like living with a bum knee.
And a bad back.
And broken, rusty joints.

My Halloween costume this year: The Tin Man.

 

Juno in her St. Patrick's Day finery. :]

I like this.

I like this feeling that I've had a lot lately.

Like suddenly, everything is okay. And I'm happy. Even though my life isn't perfect, I'm genuinely truly happy. I'm surrounded by amazing people: an awesome family, kick-ass friends, an adorable and loving pup.

My friends, my habits, my family. They mean so much to me.

I'm happy. When I think about my life three months ago, I don't think I was at all the same person.  I was high-strung and upset and stressed and angry most of the time. And now, after just a few short months, I've changed.  I'm more relaxed than I've been in years. I feel free to enjoy the little things that happen, the quiet moments, the fleeting ideas, the company of a few good people. I don't have to think about the big picture as much right now, or my future or anything else. Even though I worry about my friends and my family, I don't have to really be responsible for anyone anymore except for Juno. I can just focus on myself, on my life, and on the people who truly care about me and whom I also deeply care about.

I'm in a routine. I work, I come home, I repeat.
Time is flying so quickly.
There are days when I don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going.


I'm okay with that. Things are amazing right now.

Video games, movies, snacks, puppy time, snuggle time. This is going to be my afternoon. Anyone else not included, please leave me alone. I'm being cliquey today.

Juno enjoying the spring weather.

My dog just runs around in circles a lot.

Time to go home and get adequate snuggle time with the PuppyBot before I head off to make more of that dough again tonight.

Things I need.

Honey badger don't care. Honey badger don't give a shit.