I wrote a speech the other day for my public speaking class, and the speech turned into a question and answer session about my tattoos and how I get my bangs so blue. I don't think anyone even really listened to what I actually said, they were too busy ahhing over pictures of Juno.
But, I digress. Since no one actually LISTENED to my real speech, I think I should have said something more like this, since I could have easily gotten away with it:
"Hey, you guys. My name is Caitlin and I am 22 years old but sometimes I feel and act like I am 80 years old. My joints pop and creak constantly because I am sick with a chronic neurological disease and I pretty much always feel like I've been hit by an eighteen-wheeler. I also hate going out at night and I don't drink anymore. On the plus side, I have an awesome family and friends, an awesome boyfriend, and a really cute dog, so my life is not all that bad. I work both full- and part-time and I'm taking this class so I can learn to talk good. If it was a distance-learning course, that would be even better, because being in a classroom full of people makes me anxious and people don't walk quickly enough on campus. This is my sixth year at Wright State because I took some time off in-between to work. I live off of coffee and a cocktail of various medications, which often makes me feel like Dr. House, MD or Nurse Jackie. I don't even watch those shows. In my free time, I like to write about the things I like and don't like. More often than not, I end up writing about things that I don't like birds, clowns, and babies.
Today I am going to talk about the three things that are most important to me, just like everyone else you guys have pretended to listened to today. The first thing is sleep. I have chronic fatigue, which often conversely leads to insomnia. This means that I can sometimes stay up all night staring at things on the Internet and trying not to buy them. So, when I finally get a chance to sleep, or sleep in, I refuse to be bothered by anything. Sleep is the Holy Grail of my life.
The second most important thing to me is my dog, Juno. I am a proud mama to my baby girl. She came to me last summer from another family who rescued her. She is an all-black Lab/Basenji mix and she is basically the greatest thing ever. She'll be two this August. She is my best friend and a total goofball and she is also totally gorgeous. All of the boy dogs in our neighborhood are in love with her and she doesn't even pay them any attention. She's an Ice Queen just like me. I love her.
The third most important thing to me is my sense of humor. Without it, I would not be writing this speech or writing my blog and I would probably be drunk all the time. If I didn't have a quirky and weird sense of humor about things, my life would suck so much more. I grew up pretty poor. My parents raised me to laugh about everything and to be the first one to laugh at myself since I was the kid who couldn't afford to wear brand name clothes or to eat brand name Lunchables. I've carried that sense of humor through the rest of my life. It has served and will continue to serve me well.
In conclusion, those are the three things that are important to me. Of course, there are many other important things in life, like coffee, warm weather, video games, walks on the beach and all of that other good stuff, but these three things are the most important to me right now. The best part is that it will keep changing--even though when I'm 30, I hope that I'll still be able to sleep, and that I'll still have my dog, and that I'll still be laughing at life."
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